My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
