Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
