i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize