am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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