Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
