I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
