It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
