yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
