Ambien. No doubt about it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
