No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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