I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
