where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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