Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize