i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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