i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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