my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
