I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
