Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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