It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
And then he peed in my hair
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