Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
