it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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