how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
