okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
