awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize