i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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