You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
