i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
