Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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