I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
