btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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