I want you more than these girls want KFC
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
