So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
