fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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