The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
