You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize