i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
