Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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