There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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