I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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