Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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