Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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