have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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