'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
