No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
