She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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