This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
