i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
