how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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