We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
