I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
