I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
