2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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