My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Boobs are out for the taking
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize