first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Michael Bay diarrhea
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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