My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
