Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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