she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
