At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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