I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
