What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
