I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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