Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
