Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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