i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
