I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
