watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
