Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
