I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
