tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
