Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
